The Colony has been shocked to learn that Jared Leto, acclaimed member and distinguished Don Juan has been taken hostage by a deranged fan in a desperate bid to influence the Directors of the Colony. A jihad style hostage video in a dark, damp dungeon has been released to the media featuring a frantic Mr Leto, sans eyeliner, desperately shouting "please help me, she's threatening to sing again!"
Private Investigators hired by the Colony reported that the suspect, Miss Popular Streaker is behind this desperate act. One might remember Miss Popular Streaker from the repeated distractions caused at cricket matches while she throws off her clothes and runs across the field trying to hug the silly mid off. The most recent incident at the Ashes was rumoured to be the reason Australia lost to a bunch of Pansy English Ninnies.
Her plan to slowly torture Mr LEto by repeatedly singing "I'm not okay", with nothing but the help of a boombox and a karaoke mic may have a significant long term psychological impact on him we are told by an eminent psychologist who wished to remain anonnymous and who is also secret sympathiser of the Emo Movement. It could seriously limit his vocabulary to something as unfortunate as '30secondstomars 30secondstomars' she told us.
The Colony have been informed that Ms P.Streaker has demanded that Emo Boys be allowed membership in the Colony in exchange for the release of Mr. Leto. She is reputed to have screamed, "what you're doing is HotMen Apartheid" at the end of the Jihad style video clip.
The Hot Men Directors weren't available for comment as they were getting their daily massages (by hot men) but their harried PR lady, told us that they weren't planning on giving in to Miss Streaker as they were both a little tired of Mr. Leto's melodramatic ways. She also told us that in place of Mr. Leto there is to be an exciting new addition (and it was in no way influenced by one of the directors' penchant for having him singing in her ear) in the form of Scottish crooner Paolo Nutini. The PR lady told us that she was confident that in time residents will forget about this whole unfortunate incident and everything will be peachy again.
We hope she's right. We'd hate to have to cover an uprising of people burning effigies of the directors while eyeliner streams down their faces. That's SO Emo.
Private Investigators hired by the Colony reported that the suspect, Miss Popular Streaker is behind this desperate act. One might remember Miss Popular Streaker from the repeated distractions caused at cricket matches while she throws off her clothes and runs across the field trying to hug the silly mid off. The most recent incident at the Ashes was rumoured to be the reason Australia lost to a bunch of Pansy English Ninnies.
The Colony have been informed that Ms P.Streaker has demanded that Emo Boys be allowed membership in the Colony in exchange for the release of Mr. Leto. She is reputed to have screamed, "what you're doing is HotMen Apartheid" at the end of the Jihad style video clip.
The Hot Men Directors weren't available for comment as they were getting their daily massages (by hot men) but their harried PR lady, told us that they weren't planning on giving in to Miss Streaker as they were both a little tired of Mr. Leto's melodramatic ways. She also told us that in place of Mr. Leto there is to be an exciting new addition (and it was in no way influenced by one of the directors' penchant for having him singing in her ear) in the form of Scottish crooner Paolo Nutini. The PR lady told us that she was confident that in time residents will forget about this whole unfortunate incident and everything will be peachy again.
We hope she's right. We'd hate to have to cover an uprising of people burning effigies of the directors while eyeliner streams down their faces. That's SO Emo.
