Health Scare!!!!!

A new addition to the Hotmen Colony, Mr Hayden Christiansen, has been willfully ignoring all health and safety protocol in the colony and has been seen on numerous occasions taking his pet pig out and about in town. Despite numerous requests Mr Christiensen refuses to make his pet pig wear a mask for the safety of many in these harsh times, what with the spread of Swine Flu reaching Pandemic proportions and all. When we confronted him while he was out shopping for food at the exclusive Good Looking Farmers Market with his current squeeze and star of P. Diddy's music videos, Little M. Sunshine and his pet pig, who's name we have withheld for privacy purposes, he simply shrugged and shouted "DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY BITCHES" and threw dirty Leeks at us. As if that wasn't bad enough L.M. Sunshine waved a baguette and screamed "would you let YOUR babies wear MASKS???" and proceeded to burst in to tears.
Luckily for Mr Christiensen, he has boyish good looks and sparkling blue eyes and when he speaks sweet music plays in our ears. Otherwise we would have had him flogged for sure. Beware Mr Christiensen, we all grow old and although chances of you looking distiguished in old age are high, there still is a small chance you might end up looking like Mickey Rourke in spandex (shudder) and THEN we'll see who'll throw dirty Leeks in who'se face.

Unidentified Jihadist Jedi tries to lob off Ewan McGregors head in fit of Jealous Rage!!!!!!

Yesterday a horific attempt was made on the life of a preeminent member of The Hotmen Colony by a member of the leftist Jihad Jedi movement. Ewan McGregor, also known as Jedi master Obi Wan Kenobi, was minding his business, whistling as he sashayed provocatively down the street when an unidentified Jihadist Jedi ambushed him by jumping out in front of him, brandishing his saber and screeching “pull out your lightsaber fool!”. The startled Mr Mcgregor's flawless combat skills quickly kicked into gear as he pulled out his lightsaber and quickly whipped the deranged fanatic's giggling little behind. Sources inform us that the Jihad's jealous rage over McGregor's exclusive membership in The Colony prompted this deperate fiasco as the Jihad's application is known to have been rejected for failing to meet the Colony's distinguished standards.

Listen up you demented wannabe, this is not the way to do it, spend a couple of years in therapy, and then we'll think about it.

Until then, application: DENIED!!!!

Hollywood Magpie: EXPOSED!!!!!!

former child star Bonnie Andclyde (Alufukus Pissofficus), who has stolen the top spot in the Official HotmanColony Party girl poll from Paris Hilton, has an ulterior motive behind her celeb hobnobbing habits. Turns out the starlet, who has been spotted at all of Hollywood's A-List events is the Robin Hood of Hollywood!!! Miss Andclyde has perfected the technique of ensuring her fellow teen stars are suitably totaled and befuddled before she makes off with their shinies without the poor sods every knowing who when where or how. Imagine our surprise when our observant aunties took this shot at a recent party held in honour of Paris Hilton's 729th Sex tape going public.
Of course we had to share!!
....and incidently, what do you think our prodigy does with all this pilfered loot? Auction them off on ebay? Add them to her vast collection of bronze statuettes? Stash them in a safety deposit box as collatarol?
NO! she runs off and gives them to her favourite charities (e.g. Virginmary halfway home for underage drinkers) as annonymous donations.
Bless your heart Bonnie Andclyde, all thanks to you - another underage drinker: SAVED

The Nigella of Lionel Edirisingha Mawatha

After a brief stint as a spoilt brat, The Nigella has emerged from her chrysallis as a fully grown and fully capable domestic goddess. Eye witnesses say that The Nigella (Latin name: Daddypoocus Giftusplentius) most often seen in the cold wintry climes of Middle England has migrated south for the summer and is seen at watering holes all around the Lionel Edirisingha area. If the observer is lucky The Nigella, who is not known for her shy and retiring nature will flit around you and cry "howmuchdoesapandaweeeeiigghhh howmuchdoesapandaweeeeiiighhhh". The Nigella sightings are common and will be plentiful over the next three to four months. Observers are warned not to feed the The Nigella bullshit as she can turn aggressive and go gangsta on yo ass. So as long as you maintain respectable silence The Nigella is as sweet as the seeni sambol she claims to make so well. Enjoy The Nigella season people.

Look who's getting DIRTY!!!!!

While we were out and about in town, attending to our hobbies, like ladies of leisure usually do, we came upon the most astonishing sight. Jude Law, lover of nannies and bit part actor, pottering about with another man's wife!!! So we did what any respectable person with a camera phone would do, we managed to capture this most shocking picture while hiding behind the curtains. That Titanic theme song was playing on repeat in the background and the Lady - who we now know as Mrs. Ramanayaka seemed to be playfully eating bits of Jude Law's face.
The Randy Duo was seen exiting the establishment a couple of hours later. Sources close to Mrs. Ramanayaka say that Mrs. Ramanayaka's relationship with Mr. Ramanayaka is not in jeapordy, AND that in fact they both share valuable Pottery time with Mr. Law and that the couple have a close personal relationship with him.
Mr. Law was not available for comment, but his publicist, Pineapple Daiquiri said that "Jude has a whole lotta love". We don't know what the fine print of the Ramanayaka marriage contract says, but sitting around moulding a phallic object while eating the face of a handsome (yet tragically unappealing) Englishman is bound to put a spanner in the works. Oh Dear. We really hope we haven't caused the Ramanayakas' any problems...

SPOTTED!!!!

Riding in to the sunset, Ralph Fiennes, noted thespian and notorious sex addict was seen, flying by in a trailer bike with a Foxy Lady sitting behind him. The identity of the Foxy Lady is not known, although the rumour mill is working on overtime spewing such stories as she is the heiress to the lost city of Atlantis OR that she was single handedly responsible for the destruction of Pompeii AND that she actually is the Venus of Willendorf. Now we don't know the truth behind this, but one must ask the question - what the fuck is Ralph Fiennes doing with a fertility goddess on the back of his trailer bike?